Jude is four today, I slept way too late all these parties are crazy. I have been thinking of inspiring things to write about but when it comes down to it my mind is jacked. things I’m inspired by lately loud music, parasite cleansing( with loud music) trying to figure this life out, blaring the music in our house, watching documentaries, hiking up huge mountains, purging my home of excess things, reconnecting with those I’ve lost, shocking myself with a zapper thanks to the Wignals, I love looking at the trees come to life all around us, oh and Ethiopian food I feel like a part of me was missing all these years without it, it truly brings me a culinary joy that I never had. spiced butter lights up my kitchen.
As I grow older I realize I am more and more comfortable in my own skin, I realize I have so much growth to go, and that I truly love to swear and I regret it every time realizing I like it too much and now I need to go to confession and tell the same sins over and over, which is so hard, I am yet to like confession.
I never ment this blog to obsess about myself but for some reason its helped me to confide in myself with the watchful eye of those I love watching.
As ever I come back to adoption I am at standstill, I am anxious but not, I am weary but strong.
I am ready but not, I am never black or white I am a little of both.
This time of year it never fails, I want to be in Europe, Paris stole my heart the last time I was there, that city has a little piece of my heart, the weeks we spent there the friends the FOOD the city the night sky, the experiences that we went through being there, and then there’s southern Italy what a dream, I am so thankful for the 9 weeks we spent there.
I need to be living a less then ordinary life, I thrive in experiances and passion. its hard being “tied” to a house to a dream, I know its the stability that we need right now, but its a lot, we have FOUR bathrooms I have sanctioned off a part of the house that we just don’t use cause I don’t wanna clean it, In other times I feel very very content here, but I know this is not all that life is about, I guess it good to not be tied down to a place, sometimes I feel like how in the heck did I get here with a “Mcmansion”, the happiest times of my life were when we were living in our van heading for an unknown destination in the middle of Mexico, traveling the country with a bunch of close and not so close friends in a double decker bus experiencing what its like to be in the spot light as “rock stars” ha!,living in converted garage in my parents home with four kids sleeping on the ground those were happy and simple times, times I never want to forget.
What I really want is to have this be our home base and be free to get parasites robbed and dengue fever on any continent we please!!
I’m probably going to regret writing all this, I just downed a huge glass of wine and had a major hot bath so blame it on that!
